17 October 2011

Down with a sickness, and not in a rock music kind of way...

Well, good morning, world. And a fine Fuck You, too.

I'm sick. I've been sick for 8 days now. And not your normal kind of sickness. Oh no. I'm sick like I've never been sick before in my life.

Of course, I don't get sick much, so that's not really saying a whole lot.

It started last Sunday with a tickle in the back of my throat. I knew when it started that it would develop into tonsillitis. I get it twice a year. Once in the spring, and once in the fall. Been that way since my early teenage years. Other than that, I don't get sick. I can be around sick people, sleep next to my sick girlfriend, care for sick children. Hell, I work in a hospital, and I still never get sick.

Thank you, US Army.

When I went into Basic Combat Training at Fort Benning, they stuck me in a room with a bunch of guys from (not just all over the country) all over the world. Germs from places I'd never even heard of attacked me, and I was sick for two days, and then all of a sudden my immune system got it's pussy ass up off the floor and became a FUCKING MONSTER!

Since then, tonsillitis knocks me down twice a year, and that's it. Last time I went to a doctor for it I was sixteen, and after me and my dad telling him that I was allergic to penicillin and had a long family history of the allergy, the mother fucker gave me meds with penicillin in them.

When I swelled up, broke out in hives, and had trouble breathing, I was a little freaked. We went back the next day and he said "Hey, whaddaya know? You're allergic to penicillin!".

Fucking brilliant, doc. Since then, no doctors other than military entry and exit physicals.

So, instead of seeking treatment, I self medicate on my days off with NyQuil (the hardcore green kind. Fuck that nasty "cherry flavored" bullshit) and chloraseptic spray (again, hardcore green. Fuck cherries [heh, the perverted twelve year old in my brain just giggled]). I take NyQuil, lay down in bed, go into a Jedi trance, and twelve to sixteen hours later, I come out of my "healing coma" feeling like a boss. Simple, routine, perfect.

Last Sunday, my throat tickle (which sounds unbelievably inappropriate) was exposed to smoke and dry chemical fire extinguisher material. Needless to say, there was a fire at work. Everybody's fine, and there was little damage done, but my throat was a little raw. Understandably so, of course, but it didn't stop there.

I checked with one of the ER doctors before I left work, and he cleared me of any hazards associated with the chemical. Basically told me to walk it off. Which is cool. I dig my ER docs for being like that. I went home with a little tiny cough and went to bed. As the night wore on, my cough got worse, and I went ahead and called in sick to work for Monday morning.

Woke up Monday, and I couldn't put air through my nose. In or out. Not only was it full of mucous, the interior lining of my nose had swollen up so much that I couldn't use it. I had to expend an entire lungful of highly pressurized air just to clear the snot out so that the sinus-y nose flesh could swell some more.

Needless to say, it was not my most attractive moment.

Tuesday I woke up and my nose was fine, but my cough was back with some chest congestion, and my right ear was all wonky. By wonky I mean it sounded like I had fluid in my ear, but I couldn't hear it moving. It was like my right ear was underwater, without that little air bubble that gets trapped when you're swimming. Totally threw off my balance for the whole day.

Now, at this point, I was sick of being sick, but a little intrigued too. I'd never had a cough, or balance issues, and that nose thing was crazy, right? So I was interested to see what Wednesday brought.

Coughing, it turns out. Coughing that refuses to go away. Not having nasal congestion problems, but if I try to speak too much, I get this tickle (a different kind) in my throat like there's a dandelion poof hitting the back of my throat. It's low in my throat, and I when I cough low enough to rattle my chest, it helps. Otherwise my coughs are high, like just at the back of my tongue, and that part of my throat is raw. 

My fiancee, whom I love to death, and I know she's just trying to look out for me, has insisted several times over the last few days that I go see a doctor. I keep brushing her off (not unkindly, mind you) because I'm not that sick. I feel bad, and it sucks, but I'm just not bad off enough to go see someone who (in my brain) is most certainly going to try and kill me with penicillin.

I don't have a primary care provider, and haven't needed one in well over a decade. I don't get sick, I don't need a doctor. Nice and simple. Sure, I've got health insurance, but just the bare minimum that I can have. I have to have insurance, just so that my paranoid brain can rest a little easier, but I've not used my own insurance for anything other than an eye exam for new glasses. Ever. Since I started working, my insurance has been wasted.

So I keep telling her that I don't need a doctor, and when she insisted that I do, I said "Well, I don't have a primary care provider, and I'm certainly not driving all the way back to Pasadena (where I was when my insurance was set up) to the one that was automatically assigned to me when I got the insurance.".

Then she dropped the ultimatum.

"If you don't get into your insurance and find a doctor and go get checked out tomorrow, you can't go on your man-date of epic sword dueling on Wednesday.".


Slow the fuck down.

You're telling me what I can and can't do? Who the fuck do you think you are? Telling me I can't hang out with my friends just because you say so? Please. I'm a man. You don't make my choices for me. Go ahead and try to stop me from doing what I want. See what happens.

Also, now that I've successfully proven my manly status to the interwebz, I love you, and I've already found a doctor out in our area, and I'm going to call as soon as I get home to see when I can get an appointment.

TL;DR- I'm going to the doctor today.

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